by a Ninevite for the Ninevites

(Originally published June 25, 2014) I was thinking about Jonah the other day. The book is only like 47 verses; I mean you can read it. Anyway, God told Jonah to go to a group of people that he hated. I’m sure Jonah had some legitimate reasons for disliking the Nineties. I have a group of people that I dislike too. Unfortunately, unlike Jonah I am a Ninevite, and I don’t really like Ninevites. Okay full disclosure: I DON’T DISLIKE EVERY Ninevite, that is too broad of a stroke, and almost every Ninevite I have met has had some quality that could rightfully be called awesome. There is however a common thread that goes through enough Ninevites that it has disturbed me to the point of, well, a Jonah-like-hatred. 

My hated Ninevites are those who passively, and/ or actively, avoid non-Ninevites. 

You see, back when I was a younger man, an old boy really, I drank deeply from that pro-Ninevite stream. I read books from pro-Ninevite authors. There was one who said that non-Ninevites were the descendants of Cain, and the “mark” they bear is a lack of melanin. Another said that when a lighter than acceptable baby was born the child were shunned from the tribe, and forced to migrate to the north (ie. Europe). Still others stated that Ninevites were the only pure human beings, and we should therefore avoid all contact with non-Ninevite, lest our pure blood become corrupted. 

It wasn’t just books however. I had conversations with educated, respected leaders within the Ninevite community, who would not allow an opportunity pass by without letting a young up-and-coming-whatever to know the non-Ninevites, hated us and we had to protect ourselves from them “by any means necessary”.  So when I took it to that next level, you know for the cause. I found myself packing up to go live in Judah… but among the… um “Samaritans”. 

The sad part is when I got there my fellow Ninevites turned on me. I wanted to represent, all X-Clan, kente cloth, shouting, “NINEVVAAAAHHH!!!” But they quickly reminded me that I stunk of mayonnaise or quiche or something. After a couple years, we had developed an uneasy truce with them. It was during that time of lying in the ditch, naked and bleeding and robbed, shunned without any “kinfolk” around I was actually embraced by some … Samaritans. I know, right.

Now I know that doesn’t really fit into the whole Ninevite-Jew analogy, or historical timeline thing but whatever these are my thoughts not yours… keep up people. 

These Samaritans bandaged my wounds. The Samaritans invited me to dinner. The Samaritans weren’t baby eaters, or fish slappers. They weren’t the ones I needed to protect myself from, it was the Ninevites, who wanted to take me out. Samaritans weren't the ones who shot at us when I was just hanging out with our friends. Ninevites. I have only been in like three maybe four real fights in my life, and it wasn’t with Samaritians… okay one was. It was that one that got me sent to live in Judah. 

Now don’t get me wrong. Well don’t get me too wrong, I really do know some awesome Ninevites, whom I love and respect. However, they seem to be the exception, not the rule. That said, I have also met some Samaritans, who are some of the worst … um … “Ninevites”(?) I’ve ever met. 

-Isms don’t claim one people group any more, or less, than another. Ninevites don’t own racism. Samaritans and Babylonians have just as many racist as Ninevites, I’m sure. Some of the ones I have known may have been racist. They just didn’t often presume they had the freedom to speak so hatefully open around me.  

I guess I could finally officially name my subject for this work, it’s racism. And of all of the -isms I’ve encountered, from absolutism to zootheism, racism is my favorite one to hate back. 

It pains me to have found it alive and well in Ninevite communities around the world. I’ve been through states with a lot of Ninevites and states with less than 1% pure Ninevite, and, unfortunately, racism abounds. Inside the community of faith, I have heard some of the most racist comments being made. 

I HATE RACISM, especially among the Ninevite community. So much that when I find a fellow Ninevite, I find myself kinda holding them suspect. Once racism comes into the picture, I find it hard to hang out with them. Especially if they are in the community of faith. Especially if they are leaders within the community of faith. Especially when they are speaking ex cathedra. 

And I really feel that is the situation I have been placed into recently. I want to talk to people about Jesus, and they want to remind me of what the Samaritans or the …um … Babylonians have done. I really don’t care what they may or may not have done in the real or your delusionally created past. I do care about the present, and thereby, somewhat the future. 

So many situations have occurred of late that I just no longer feel like I belong. I no longer have the ability to verbalize that it’s the “Samaritans fault”, or the “Babylonians fault”. It’s our own fault. I can no longer lay my hand on some Samaritan’s head and symbolically or otherwise bestow our sins on them, or their ancestors. Because some of this stuff I honestly believe, it is our own fault. 

I just don’t fit in with those who claim to represent God, by scapegoating the other. Because when it comes to my fellow Ninevites, all too often, I feel like I’m the other. Too often I have had someone try to lay their hands on my head, and proclaim it’s my fault. Well, no more. I refuse to be crucified for you any longer. Jesus was, and that should have been good enough to convince you to stop placing hands on anybody or anything. 

I have moved across the US twice for my fellow Ninevites, and now I’m done. I’ve been kicked when I was down. I’ve been hugged and stabbed in the back. I’ve been homeless and deceived. I’ve had my wife and children maligned. I was even threatened with bodily harm, while in my office at church. This hurting pilgrim had the impertinence to knock over my Keurig, and spill my Red Vines, seconds before I’m supposed to go break the bread of life. 

You know what... “Forty days from now Nineveh will be destroyed.” Figure it out for yourself, because right now, I don’t care enough to sit down and explain it right now. 

I know we are a great community, rich with history and heroes and heritage and cows. I know God cares deeply about our “great city”. I secretly hope we pull our collective head out of our posterior, get our hessian (sackcloth) on and return to our first love- and by first love I mean Jesus. 

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go sit outside the “city” for a minute. I honestly need to go reconnect with the Lord God Almighty. I need to be able to express my grievances to the only one who can help me change them (or change them for me for my Calvinistic friends). I need to deal with these hurts, habits, and especially this hang-up concerning racism and my fellow Ninevites. 

I don’t want to die, nevertheless I do need to go talk to the One who is merciful and compassionate. I don’t want to run to Spain, nevertheless I need to spend some time in close conversation with the One who is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love. I'M NOT QUITTING JESUS. I have spent the past 8 years sacerdotally affiliated with a tribe of Ninevites, and I need a Sabbatical. I actually could boast that I have been among them since my great-grandfather… except right now I see a worm eyeballing the trees that I hung my hammock in.